official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
