you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
