Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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