Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
