Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
