Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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