If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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