This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
