Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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