My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
