i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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