i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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