last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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