omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
