im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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