So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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