if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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