we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
