The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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