It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
