hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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