the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
