What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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