My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
