sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
