I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
