Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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