i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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