yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
