Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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