this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
