I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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