sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my shit smells like andre
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
