have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
