He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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