I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Panties = found
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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