I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
