In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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