if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
my liver is dry heaving
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
