sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
