there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
