Your face is a jimmy john
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
