Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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