Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I love you. Go after that dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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