Little spoons don't ask big questions
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
