Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
