He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
