just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
