i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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