i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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