I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
