A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
