there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
