My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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