Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
