so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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