Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
