I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
