I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
