Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
