You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
