I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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