Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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