Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
