So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
porn star boner night. come get it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
