i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
