I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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