TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
