Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
